It’s really nice to see a celebrity with absolutely zero political affiliations telling us to go out and boobs. I mean, vote.
Check out that titillating behind-the-scenes-cum-interview video to hear how Heart Evangelista doesn’t at all mention her boyfriend the senator who is campaigning to be senator again, nor her kilig, nor the way he puts his hands in his pockets, nor his puppy dog eyes, nor how “wow, power’s not important to this guy.” Pay attention to how Heart totally doesn’t mention nor get questioned whether Chiz’ll make a good president.
Because, you know, that’s totally not what this is about.
Throwing this in here anyway, in case you needed reminding who you should go out and vag for. I mean, vote.
We, the Daily Tangina, humbly submit this request that Carlos Celdran be declared our new National Hero. If that award does not exist, let us invent it, with the carefree fervor that we invent hashtags (#FreeCarlosCeldran, #JSanchez1stSoloConcertManila, #MentionWhoYouWanttoSpendValentinesWith) and let us immediately bestow the title upon this man in a top hat.
This paragon of boldness shrugged on the mantle of our former National Hero — what did that first dude ever do anyway, other than write subversive literature and then die in front of a firing squad? — in order to invade a sacred space! How shocking! How courageous! How bold. So bold. Bold.
Not to mention that the only reason he was at the Manila Cathedral on that day — a day for laypersons and priests to hang out and discuss how to give away Bibles — was because he got the date of a big pro-RH protest wrong, and mistakenly showed up in costume and raring to roar. Celdran would have been content with hanging around outside the cathedral if it didn’t rain, and — intrepid hero! brave soul! — he was forced to duck inside the church. From there he embarked on his grand mission of waving a whiteboard in front of bemused priests.
(In fact, it was this defiant and super pogi act that single-handedly ensured the passing of the RH Bill last December! Never mind the long hours of battle in Congress and the thousands of women who took a stand for their own bodies and common sense. Bah, women.)
One might call the Damaso stunt an act of God: Celdran’s punctuality, the rain, the fact that the ecumenical service he disrupted had nothing to do with the RH Bill — but we don’t believe in God around here! We hold nothing sacred!
Just like our idol Celdran. The Daily Tangina loves making a fuss, we love having lots of people tell us we’re right, we love getting noticed when obviously more important issues are getting ignored — so Celdran is our saint and martyr. Except, you know, we’re on Tumblr, not inside Manila Cathedral.
So free Carlos Celdran! Even though he is actually not at all behind bars. Free him anyway, make him our new National Hero. He’d love that.
So we hear Jamie “Amalayer” Salvosa is considering taking legal action against whoever uploaded that video of her super classy public meltdown. She’s just waiting for people to back her up. Oooh, I’m so scared.
With all due respect, I think that’s fucking stupid. There’s the fact that she’s now appealing for help. Also, and this makes me want to scream at the nearest security guard, it absolves Ms. Salvosa of accountability for her actions.
Boo-fucking-hoo, you got cyberbullied. So what if it’s not the whole story? Does knowing the context forgive you for flipping out at a public servant? Does context, and for that matter, education, privilege you with the right to humiliate someone who’s doing their job, albeit badly?
Boo-fucking-hoo times two, so you’re on the Internet. You went viral and you’re hella ugly to the public. Guess what, lady, the LRT station is a public place too. If you weren’t set on making a scene, you could’ve talked to the guard in a tone of voice that cellphone cameras wouldn’t pick up. You know, a polite tone of voice. You know, the sound of breeding.
So, Internet, listen up: we at the Daily Tangina reserve the right to cyberbully.
We reserve the right to condemn stupidity, cruelty, and Tito Sotto.
We are not advocating death threats, duh. We are not advocating the publication of addresses and cellphone numbers and private information, because that’s serious legal bidness, i.e. breach of privacy.
But, Ms. Salvosa, that’s the risk of losing your shit in public. It’s not a breach of privacy if someone films you being an asshole. Hayden Kho, need we remind you, got away with filming assholes. If you know what I mean.
My point about cyberbullying comes at the heels of the now-TRO’d cybercrime law. If you have, at any point in your life, cried foul about being cyberbullied and condemned the cybercrime law as well, we award you Hypocrite of the Tito Sotto Order.
Harsh truth, children: cyberbullying comes with the Internet. Play the field as fairly as you can, but don’t cry like a bitch if someone else plays unfair. This is the price of free speech, even if all you’re saying is “Amalayer?!”
Now if we back this ridic case of cyberbullying, and someone takes Ms. Salvosa’s side, what then becomes acceptable to post? To discuss? To condemn? Next thing you know, you’ll have Carabuena suing the MMDA officer for making him look bad. By being in the way of his fat fists, I guess!
THE DAILY AMALAYER?!
Student radio DJ / shooting star” @paulaharlow seems to think she can command respect by yelling broke-ass English at public servants about how educated she is. Bitch, I’d school you but you ain’t got class.
Eto sa’yo: the untranslatable tangina mo.
So Lucy Liu doesn’t run outside because she doesn’t want to get dark because she doesn’t want to look “a little Filipino.” Big fucking deal, jerks.
All you Filipinos crying racist better pop out those colored contacts, unsubscribe from Georgina Wilson’s Facebook page, and throw out the whitening vag wash, because you have to recognize that none of you want to look Filipino either.
In fact, you’d probably kill to look like Lucy Liu.
P.S. At first I misread the quote and thought Lucy Liu said she didn’t want to look “like a little Filipino,” and I thought that was kind of cute.
Petra M, blogger and writer, is now facing charges of cyberlibel cyberfiled against her by a cyberbutthurt cybertweeter, known only as xhiruekheix. On October 7, Sunday, xhiruekheix had engaged Petra M in a Twitter discussion over the nuanced differences between Ateneo Blue Eagles Nico Salva and Chris Tiu, which grew heated when Petra M pointed out that UST lost Game 1 to Ateneo de Manila by a difference of five points.
xhiruekheix, and it remains unclear whether the user is involved with UST, or for that matter, formally educated, allegedly called Petra M a “stupid freak” and a “fvcking bitch” on Twitter, as well as referring to the local 2010 movie “Petrang Kabayo.”
xhiruekheix is pursuing charges of cyberlibel against Petra M under the recently passed Cybercrime Law, due to Petra M’s tweet stating that she “would be genuinely hurt [by xhiruekheix’s comments] if [xhiruekheix] didn’t look like this,” and then appending a link to xhiruekheix’s public Twitter profile photo.
xhiruekheix is filing for damages on account of Petra M describing xhiruekheix’s teeth as “JACKED UP” and xhiruekheix’s fetching plastic visor as “HEADWEAR FROM A HAPPY MEAL.”
xhiruekheix’s favorite hat
Petra M, known for her support of the RH Bill, may also be charged by the editor of the Varsitarian, the University of Santo Tomas’ official school publication, in reference to her tweet which was posted shortly after a controversial Varsitarian editorial went viral. On the issue, Petra M tweeted: “WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, YOU WRITE AN INCOHERENT AND RIDICULOUS EDITORIAL.”
The UST Varsitarian’s editor, who has chosen to remain nameless, has denounced this as “intellectual posturing and moral bankruptcy,” yet decided to take the “moral high road [they] are known for,” and rather than “cracking the moral whip of morality and hitting her with the angry fist of God who is obviously always on our side because we are always right” merely asked for an official apology from Petra M.
When contacted for comment, Petra M sent the Daily Tangina this SMS: “Yun ang gusto ko sabhin e pakialam ko sa kanya!!” She is facing a possible total of twenty-four years imprisonment.
U GOT SERVED PO
The website for Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (the Philippines’ Central Bank) just got hacked. And rightly and powerfully so. Check it out before it gets un-did.
It is just so disappointing that our government, in adopting our 80-year-old antiquated libel laws to the Cybercrime Law, again seems to have retarded our march with the rest of the world with respect to giving full force to the people’s freedom of expression.
More power, Anonymous.
Back in April 2012, the president of Hungary resigned (as president!) and lost his doctorate degree (doctorate!) when it was discovered that large parts of his thesis were plagiarized.
Mr Schmitt, elected in 2010, said “my personal issue divides my beloved nation rather than unites it”.
“It is my duty to end my service and resign my mandate as president,” he told parliament.
Your Daily Tangina correspondents had the opportunity to show Senator Tito Sotto this BBC article on the resignation. “Blogger lang ‘yan,” Tito Sotto muttered, before copy-pasting the article into Google Translate and emailing the results to himself. “Confiscated,” he whispered to us, before his head turned 180 degrees and his body slowly sank into the soft carpet of the Senate hallways.